Vomit Tag!!

Shorts | Feb. 28, 2008

I’ve been trying to lose a little weight, so my friends and I got together for a game that’s both great exercise and a clever way to hide my secret bulimia: vomit tag!

I’m calling from the Home Office

Video | Feb. 27, 2008

A new Weak Nights video is up, and what could be better than office drama? Why it’s home office drama. Watch a guy argue with his girlfriend!!

Requiem for a Green Monster

Cartoons | Feb. 26, 2008

Betty RossIt was 2001 when my friend Nick and I wrote our first (and only) cartoon about the sardonic, ever-suffering super hero The Sarcastic Hulk. And over the last two years I had been living that cartoon. I’m so damned observant I only needed my friend Lisa to point it out. You tell me if there are any similarities between a certain mild-mannered workaday tool and the jaded giant:

  • Pushover Bruce Banner gets laid off at his dead-end job.
  • Bruce dates a hippie. Their relationship consists mostly of arguing and making out.
  • Mounting failures and everyday frustrations make SH bitter and also kind of a dick.

And most of all…

  • Our hero is sarcastic.

Talk about life imitating art! If only someone had kept writing these I may have had some warning. Oh wait. But what gets me is I didn’t see this situation coming and I wrote it.*

*I will catch endless hell from one Nick Shaheen if I don’t mention that he also wrote the script, and that I’m an ass for taking out all his best jokes. Nick, nobody was going to get a joke about Meredith Baxter-Berney.

“Zeitgeist” and the Astrological basis of Christianity

| Feb. 25, 2008

Yep, it finally happened. I’ve put on my internet blogging tinfoil hat.

It started with an insightful, possibly apocryphal, letter from Thomas Paine to Andrew Dean claiming “The fable of Christ and his twelve apostles … is a parody on the sun and the twelve signs of the zodiac”. It is still a relevant letter to this day, as Paine takes a moment to call out anyone who would wear their religion on their sleeve, cynically claiming to be a Christian without actually acting like one. “Their religion is all creed and no morals.”

This then led me to one of those interminable conspiracy documentaries a-la “Loose Change” entitled Zeitgeist. I skipped past the worthless first ten minutes, past some laden anti-religious indoctrination and bad clip art until I found a compelling argument for the astrological basis of the story of Jesus and his 12 disciples — an analog Paine discovered long before I did. Maybe he had Google Video, too?

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When Pac Man dies, what does he come back as?

| Feb. 24, 2008

It makes you think. Inky

Rock the Vote ’90s style!

| Feb. 22, 2008

I can’t believe how people actually voted way back in the 20th century. FUN FACT! Did you know there were as many as THREE political parties back then?

I don’t know about you, but this election I’m voting for Officer John McClain.

Wait, John McCain? Aw, shit.

Will the real Eurythmics please stand up?

| Feb. 20, 2008

I was browsing music videos on the iTunes store when I saw this musician in a sharp suit and short-cropped haircut and thought, “Hey, new Eurythmics video!”


OK, once you put them together I can tell which one looks like a girl in a suit and which one is Annie Lennox. Zing!

Emmie and Annie

Stuff White People Like

| Feb. 14, 2008

As a tough urban teen at an inner-city school, it’s hard for me to find ways to try to relate to white people in general, which is why I’m glad there’s a website like stuffwhitepeoplelike.org. Just a taste of some of the things white people have been known to enjoy:

…is there anything in the world white people don’t like?!

I am a white person, and I approved this message.

Word, what year is it?

| Feb. 12, 2008

I booted up Word for the one thing it’s good at — writing resumes — and when I went to save my file, I was once again baffled by the ‘save’ icon in the upper left corner. It’s a goddam Zip disk. Still. What year is it, Word? 1998, maybe? Are people still using these quarter-gigabyte wonders to save all their precious files? Even as 80GB iPods and thumbdrives and CD-Rs abound, the ubiquitous icon for saveability is still the 250MB Iomega Zip disk??

Even the idea of removable storage is so outdated I’m guessing Microsoft still hasn’t gotten through ripping off ideas from the original Macintosh. Speaking of old things, that perennial burn on Microsoft. Yeah, they steal from Apple. I went there.

Two words: out dated

I feel fantastic!

Work | Feb. 11, 2008

I can’t remember when I last slept! I had been cooped up in my apartment writing code all night, and when the sun began to shine through my mini-blinds I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep now, since that’s exactly what happened yesterday morning. So I grabbed my ipod and went for a walk.

I headed down Santa Monica listening to Rebel Rebel when I caught my reflection in a guitar shop window. I’ve been letting my hair grow out, I was bedraggled, hadn’t shaved in days, and hid my eyes behind dark sunglasses. I looked and felt like a rockstar. And as I headed down the sunny side of the street at 8:30 this morning to destinations unknown, the commuter traffic was beginning to pile up. The people who had to go to sleep at a sensible hour, only to drag themselves out of bed to get into their car and sit in traffic on their way to another day at their hateful job. More grist for the mill. And I was out taking a walk, enjoying the morning sunshine. I never felt so free.

When I was working, I had that I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t sleep insomnia gnawing at me, but this time it was different. It wasn’t the insomnia that was bothering me, it was the anxiety about when I had to wake up. Now I don’t have to sleep. I felt like I had finally found my own schedule, and it felt wonderful.

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