My phone is trying to tell me something

I don’t know where my phone got the idea that I live some kind of crazy lifestyle, but here are a few of the things its T9 auto-complete thought I was trying to TXT:

  • Have a baby on Halloween
  • Wish I’d skip on the Hat
  • get lock from your mistaken Chang
  • put Ice on santa
  • Get up Cupcakes
  • Get up Like a Virgin is Parking
  • galang galang galang galang galang galang
  • You should consider re-evaluating the life choices you’ve made for yourself the over last few years.

Crazy phone, huh? I have no idea what it’s talking about!

The Lego Mini-Mizer

Okay, so maybe the something-ize me fad has already come and gone, but Chris Doyle (who wants to make absolutely sure you remember Reasonably Clever is a site created by him, Chris Doyle*), created the Lego Mini-Mizer, where you can create yourself out of a Lego minifig.

Choosing from a wide variety of Lego pieces and colors, I was able to whip up a version of my idealized self, only to realize I unconsciously dress like a Lego figure already.

Lego minifig Tim

So try it out, just don’t come crying to me when 7 of your 8 top friends are pictures of Lego Minifigs.

*Hi kettle, I’m pot. Did I mention you’re black?

Heinz ketchup: made with menstrual blood?

I’m not saying it’s true, just that some people are saying it. Hmm… what else was I going to say?

Oh yes, my commercial got bumped from the Heinz Top This TV contest. The form letter I received listed some of the possible reasons:

  • The commercial isn’t 30 seconds, and nothing ticks off the TV network guys like an ad that’s too long or too short.
  • The commercial contains “copyrighted material”—stuff like music or video that somebody else created and/or owns.
  • The commercial contains inappropriate content that your mother may not like and we can’t show on TV.
  • The commercial contains another company’s name, trademark or logo.

Well I’m not an idiot, if you look at the timeline you’ll see the clip is 30 seconds, so that’s ruled out. And although it’s a pretty good imitation of the Saw movies, I didn’t use any copyrighted material from them, so that’s the second one. Finally I took care to cover up the Sharp logo on the TV (maker of quality sets owned by people such as Hollywood actor Harrison Ford), so it wouldn’t interfere with my creative vision. The only possibility is the third one about content your mother wouldn’t like. I actually thought this would exclude 90% of the other videos because my mom doesn’t like mawkish, saccharine pabulum.

Oh well, maybe Heinz just didn’t want their product associated with people who kidnap and enslave young girls. You say tomato, I say strychnine (hint). Whatever. Anyway, here’s the video again; and of course, thank you to all my friends who helped out!


Anyway, look for the video on the comedy website Weak Nights!

Also Chiller TV is having a video contest, so maybe I can throw together a light-hearted musing on a talking ketchup bottle for them.

Categories
Shorts Video

I Saw You in Captivity at a Hostel Last Summer

Like a billion other suckers, I made a commercial to help advertise the most ubiquitous condiment on earth.

Hmm… looking at it now, I have a feeling this entry may not even get in. But please, watch and enjoy. And rate it 5 stars as often as you can. Thanks, fifteen readers!