This is an area I am unfamiliar with

Despite having a Tivo, I still manage to see more than my fair share of cheap, sleazy infomercials on late night TV. I thought all of them were either Girls Gone Wild ads or those selling fake pills coyly suggesting they make “that certain part of the male anatomy” bigger. (That would be the scrotum, of course.)

That was until I caught an infomercial on Oxygen I hadn’t seen before. A cheap, sleazy infomercial for women.

I know women can feel left out when guys talk, like when my friends and I tried to explain The Legend of Zelda to one of our girl friends: the game was notable because it came in a gold cart; in it you play a boy named Link (because Zelda is the princess), who must fight the pig-monster Ganon to rescue her and the Triforce. Makes sense so far, right?

She was completely lost in our nerd jargon, which was further exacerbated by our discussion of how the mutant hooker in Total Recall (guess which one? [NSFW]) was the pinnacle of evolution.

Utterly baffled — that’s how I felt watching this Oxygen infomercial and hearing the phrase:

pink bent graduate impulse silver bullet jackrabbit

To me that’s just a string of words, but I’m amazed there’s a large percentage of women out there who know exactly what this describes. Utterly baffling.

Also, I need to get out more.

By Tim

An animator, video producer, Lego artist, and author—I am moderately skilled at a lot of different things.