The figures are all based on the same body type, but then there is all this variation made to the torsos, heads and hands — why bother sticking to one body type at all? It’s as if they started with a rule that the toys should all look alike, but then ignored that rule to suit their needs, ending up with some half-assed Lego knockoff. For example, how is a Kubrick Alien toy any better or different than an actual Alien toy? It gains nothing from the Kubrick look. In fact, the Kubrick body is actually a drawback. They glued on so many pieces to make the Alien recognizable that the iconic(?) Kubrick body is almost an afterthought.

There’s no reason behind the central conceit of having them all look the same(ish) in the first place: there are no playsets, no vehicles, no studded bricks for them to interact with, so why make them identical? With the inconsistent degree of customization gone into each one, why not just make them full-fledged action figures? Apollo gets a bulky chest, but Rocky has a standard body. Why?

And oh the legs. Compare the Where the Wild Things Are toys to the Boba Fett one — they have nothing in common. The only way you could tell they are part of the same toyline are the boxy legs. For some reason, the barely-there crotch and square, ill-fitting legs are the Kurbrick’s only inviolate trait.

Or take the heads: sometimes a cylindrical, Lego-style head, sometimes a fully-sculpted muppet head. Some have ears, some don’t. Sometimes they customize the hands when they feel like it.

Medicom, make up your mind.

It’s almost like the toymaker can’t decide between having figures that all fit one style and ones that are each unique, so they split the difference and we get some sort of mutant Lego. Not a minifig, but not not an action figure, either. It’s like a person who can’t draw turning that weakness into some kind of ersatz aesthetic.

You can make cool, unique figures while still adhering to an overall theme, like with the Lego single figures, yet Kubricks can’t master that.

Kubricks are flimsy, poorly-made, Lego minifigs coasting on the name recognition of a famous director.

I don’t want to even think about Be@rbricks.