Out on Bail

| Jul. 15, 2005

I found a list of bail amounts for different crimes in California, featuring crimes and leaps in logic I wasn’t previously familiar with:

http://www.saccourt.com/criminal/bailsch/felonybail/penalCode.asp

USE OF WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION AGAINST A PERSON bail is A MILLION DOLLARS

But if you use it against a couple people, you’re in the clear? And it’s good to have a law against it, because a lot of people have the means and proclivity to use a weapon of mass destruction against a single person. It’s like only people who could afford such a thing would be able to pay bail.

CHILD STEALING – $ 10,000

I didn’t know there was a crime called “CHILD STEALING.” I didn’t know children were property? Or is this theft committed by a child?

PARENT FAILURE TO PROVIDE FOR MINOR CHILD

Is there any other kind of child than a minor? I guess that’d be one you don’t care much about. Ah, that explains the law, then.

PANDERING $15,000

I’m looking at you, Fox News.

SEXUAL PENETRATION BY FOREIGN OBJECT

I’m pretty sure there are legal cases of this.

BOOKMAKING $3,000

Quick, someone arrest Random House!

ESCAPE OR ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE FROM PRISON – WITH FORCE OR VIOLENCE – No Bail
ESCAPE OR ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE FROM PRISON – WITHOUT FORCE OR VIOLENCE – No Bail

Not much of a disincentive for violence. If you’d been SUCCESSFUL at escaping you wouldn’t need any bail at all, so maybe that’s what “No Bail” really means.

INTENTION TO MAKE DESTRUCTIVE DEVICE WITHOUT VALID PERMIT $50,000
MANUFACTURING OR ATTEMPTING TO MANUFACTURE AN INSTRUMENT OR WEAPON No Bail

So there’s no bail only if you DO have a valid permit?

CARRYING A LOADED FIREARM WITH INTENT TO COMMIT FELONY $10,000

Intent to commit a felony? I feel that much safer knowing they’ve got thoughtcrime covered here.

INJURING ELECTRIC POWER LINE $5,000

I think this one must’ve been written by the same guy who came up with “Child Stealing”. Not to nitpick, but don’t you injure a living thing and damage an inanimate thing? Maybe it refers to a ‘live’ wire?

SALE OF PERSON FOR IMMORAL PURPOSES $10,000

This would explain the moral slave trade through UNICEF, Red Cross and the Peace Corps.

CARRYING OR PLACING EXPLOSIVES ON TRANSPORTATION VEHICLES – $ 100,000

So if you’re going to place explosives on a vehicle, for god’s sake, make sure it’s a vehicle not used for transportation.

Well, that’s it for now, hope you enjoyed these crazy California state laws!

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